On Movements: Women want upliftment, Men don’t mind any movement as long as it has ups and downs.
Think about all the activist movements you’ve come across crying for your attention to save something or the other: gay rights (save our souls), vegetarianism (save the animals), Green Peace (save the environment), anti-war (save the world) or free speech (save us)… What’s common to them?
They all acknowledge that they are up against something larger, something so stronger and superior than them that it takes more than one of them to fight it. In fact, the basic idea behind activist movements is that they are in constant need for more and more of their tribe to take on all mighty, powerful majority who run the system.
That’s probably why men never sign up for any ‘Masculinist’ movement. For God’s sake, have you even heard of one?
Men are confident, even amused at the thought of asking another man for help to stand up for him. After all, there’s nothing a man can’t do but the even more significant point is that: Does he really want to do it?
Not unless it gives him tangible pleasure, monetary gain or brownie points when he’s bored.
So I wonder why women feel the need to gang up in the name of feminist movements?
Because, by doing so:
1. They acknowledge that the “other” (in this case, men) are running the system and are much stronger than them.
2. They come across as scaredy cats who want to hide under a banner or umbrella without an individuality of their own.
3. They jeopardise their chances of scoring with men with a sense of humour… and humour knows no political correctness.
4. Post-point/stage 3, end up lonely and in need of company, social security with plenty of time to sign up for activism, a voluntary activity that does pay. At least, not in cash. Or tangible pleasure.
5. Post-point/stage 4, by ganging up to take on the all-mighty ‘other’, are only re-emphasising points 1 to 4.
Moral of the story: Men like their action only when it’s fun. Women take their activism way too seriously.
I’m feminist. And I don’t flaunt facial hair.
I just thought I’d clear the air, because that seems to be the common assumption about feminists, i.e. they’re a bunch of ugly women who use activism to give them a power that lipstick cannot.
Of course, if that’s how you dismiss feminism, you’re probably as shallow as a baby’s wading pool. Especially if you also subscribe to His theories, which summarised seem to indicate that feminists are a group of nervous women who band together so they:
1. Don’t feel lonely.
2. Can tremblingly acknowledge that men are more powerful;
3. And have given up trying to desperately hook male chauvinists (all of whom apparently have a rocking sense of humour).
Though if you really believe all this, my terrified, lonely, weak — yet shockingly still functional — feminist mind is just going to come to one conclusion: You’re really aren’t the brightest lipstick in the makeup kit, are you?
Feminism is essentially humanism. Feminists are women AND men who stand up for the rights of half the world’s population, because it’s routinely discriminated against.
The woman who insists she’s equal to any man is a feminist. The girl who refuses to be Barbie is a feminist. The open-minded man who treats his partner as an equal is a feminist.
Stand up for your rights, and you’re feminist.
The alternative? Well, for one you can sing along with Aqua’s Barbie Girl: “I’m a blonde bimbo girl, in a fantasy world/ Dress me up make it tight I’m your dolly… Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please. I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees…”
Though, I must point out in my rabid feminist way, any man who dates That, might as well just get himself a poodle. It’ll save him a fortune on diamonds at least.
(By Sudhish Kamath and Shonali Muthalaly)